31
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician.
The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and
they weren't mine."
His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber
the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."
Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his
friends look at him with utter disbelief.
"No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our
bed."

32
A little boy and his dad were walking down the street when they saw two
dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father "Daddy, what are they
doing?" The father says, "Making a puppy." So they walk on and go home.
A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little
boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing?" The father replies, "Making a
baby." The little boy says, "Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a
puppy instead!"

33
A rather attractive woman goes up to the register in an upscale hamburger
establishment. She gestures alluringly to a large man who comes over
immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should
bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently
caress is cheek, which is slowly turning a crimson red.
"Are you the owner?"
She asks, now softly stroking his face with both hands."No" he replies, "I'm just the manager."
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him."
She asks, running her hands up beyond his ears and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathes the manager clearly aroused," he's in the back
doing taxes right now. Is there anything I can do"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message."
She continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and
allowing him to suck them gently.
"Tell him" she says "that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."

34
This blonde was walking down a road, when this guy came along. The blond
was carrying a bag. The guy goes, "What are you carrying?" She goes,
"Melons." The guy goes, "Cool. if I can guess how many there are, can
I have one of them?" The blonde giggles and goes, "If you can
guess how many there are, you can have BOTH of them."

35
An affluent couple gets into an argument over dinner.
"If you could cook," said the husband, "we could fire the chef."
"If you could screw," replied the wife, "we could fire the driver."

36
One Sunday, my priest asked if I could cover his Confession shift for him --
he said it was easy, since he had a sin list inside the booth which listed
both sins and penance. I agreed and took the booth early on Sunday morning. Soon people showed up.
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed adultery."
"Adultery, eh?" I said. "You sly devil. That'll be three hail Mary's, plus five bucks."
"Thank you, Father." Another person came into the booth.
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have embezzled money from work."
"Embezzlement, eh? Naughty, naughty. That'll be 5 hail Mary's, plus
fourteen bucks."
"Thank you, Father." This was easy, I thought. I can handle this. Another
person came into the booth.
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed the sin of butt-sex."
"Butt-sex, huh?" I looked at the list, but I didn't see butt-sex there. I excused
myself to see if I could get some help. I found a choir boy hanging out
on the steps of the church.
"Excuse me," I said. "What does Father Matthew give for butt sex?"
"Well," said the boy, "usually just milk and cookies, but sometimes
Snickers."

37
A blonde and a lawyer sit next to each other on a plane. The lawyer asks her
to play a game. If he asked her a question that she didn't know the
answer to, she would have to pay him five dollars; and every time
the blonde asked the lawyer a question that he didn't know the answer
to, the lawyer had to pay the blonde 50 dollars. So the lawyer asked
the blonde his first question, "What is the distance between the Earth
and the nearest star?" Without a word the blonde pays the lawyer five
dollars. The blonde then asks him, "What goes up a hill with four legs
and down a hill with three?" The lawyer thinks about it, but finally
gives up and pays the blonde 50 dollars. Then the lawyer asked her what
the answer was and without a word the blonde gave the lawyer

38
An elderly man, Willy, mimes driving a car as runs around the halls of a
retirement home. An orderly turns the corner and asks Willy what he's doing.
Willy replies, "I'm going to Chicago for the weekend."
The orderly chuckles and enters Bob's room to check on him. He catches
Bob pleasuring himself, when asked what he is doing, Bob replies,
"I'm screwing Willy's old lady while he's away in Chicago."